Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
