Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize