New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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