My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
