Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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