I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
