Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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