Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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