Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize