Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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