Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
