??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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