Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
