Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
