Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
