Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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