from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
