Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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