I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
