every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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