I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
