does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
