Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
