There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
