I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
All the doctor said was why
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
