I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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