Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
