OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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