We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
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