Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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