What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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