Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
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