sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize