a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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