You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
