just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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