i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize