Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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