Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
