it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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