Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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