dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
