I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize