I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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