Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
