white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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