Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
