I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize