are you still at the devil's house?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
