My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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