so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
