Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
