I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
