I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
