he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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