did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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