O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I am spending my child support on dildos
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize