Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
