Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
