i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
