One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
