so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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