margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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