where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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