i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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