When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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