dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
