Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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