my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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