loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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