I am spending my child support on dildos
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
