dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
