I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
