I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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