Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
