Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
