theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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