how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
