Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
