I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
