If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
