Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
