It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
