I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
