Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
