why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
