My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
