his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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