I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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