i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize