Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
