i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
