genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
