i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You need a sexual gate keeper
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
