They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
